To mark this grand occasion, I am giving your mommy co-ownership of a new website called Comrade Cow. What kind of stinking gift is that, you may ask, and what does it have to do with the pink sparkly fairy butterfly princess stuff you really want for your birthday? Well, my young friend, nothing at all, rien, zilch, nada, nichevo. This is one of those annoying, grown-up gestures you will appreciate only once you become an annoying grown-up yourself. So sit back and let your older, wiser auntie tell you just how much you’ll appreciate this.
You may recall that, a few weeks ago, you or one of your naughty brothers hid your mommy’s phone. It’s probably buried deep under the pecans in the freezer but we’ll never know since you all went to Holland without attempting to look for it and the battery has long since crossed the River Styx. This wouldn’t be a problem if you lived in an enlightened country where you can have more than one phone hookup, but then, you can’t have your cows and eat them too. So there I was, lost, without my lifeline to the Only Person in the World Who Really Understands Me. That’s when I had another one of my brilliant ideas… okay, my first ever brilliant idea, but who’s counting? Here it is:
I’LL START A BLOG!
What’s that you’re saying? Welcome to the 21st century? You and your fellow 3-year-olds have been blogging for years? You already have a blog called TechieTots? Oh yeah? I happen to know you can’t pronounce “lipstick” and that you still play with DOLLS! So there!
My darling girl, this blog will be different. This blog will finally give me an outlet for my intense narcissism and latent exhibitionism. Granted, that’s nothing new in the blogging world. But here’s the twist: I will add to this blog only after your mommy has written something in response. And since our conversations consist almost entirely of anecdotes about our magnificent children, this literary venture of ours may be the closest thing you’ll ever get to a baby book. You’ll have to share time with Mack, Froggie and Gigi but I am sure your cupid face will appear often enough in the following years to give you a semblance of recorded history of your childhood.
I henceforth challenge your mommy to a blogging duel! Or a Bloduel, as that is far more amusing to say. Let the blodueling begin!
With love and best wishes for this and many years to come,
Auntie Gwummy
PS- Please don’t cry! I really do have a gift for you. I promise it has something to do with fairies and you can eat it. But you won’t get it until you come visit me and give me lots of movie-star kisses!
